


Darcy Lewis Can't Lose

by LastAmericanMermaid



Series: Oh, I Know You'll Be Back [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, I don't know, M/M, School Reunion, Silly, but i like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 19:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3989404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastAmericanMermaid/pseuds/LastAmericanMermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis has the coolest life ever. </p>
<p>Not to brag, but, it's true. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*This fic can be read as a standalone or in succession with the other ones in the Silver Thread 'Verse.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darcy Lewis Can't Lose

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write some Darcy humor stuff, and it was a lot of fun. 
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoy! ^_^ 
> 
> Comments & kudos are my greatest joy

 

So, here’s the thing:

Darcy Lewis has the _coolest_ life ever.

She gets to dick around pretending to help an astrophysicist and get _paid_ for it, when usually all she’s doing is taking selfies with an _actual Norse God_ , and Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

 

Darcy Lewis can’t lose.

She’s got a giant frozen margarita in one hand and the other is fist-pumping as Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark (in the Iron Man suit, _obvs_ ) arm wrestle surrounded by a crowd of assholes Darcy used to go to high school with.

Yeah, let that sink in.

Darcy Lewis is _so_ cool, she has all the Avengers (minus Banner) gatecrashing her 7-year reunion. Yeah, she’s not sure why it had to be _seven_ either.

_Natasha_ friggin’ _Romanoff_ is standing by the bar, sipping straight vodka and giving the death stare to any fool who even thinks about approaching her.

Sam Wilson, aka The Only Sane One, is holding up his StarkPhone and whooping loudly while filming the whole thing to put on YouTube.

 

Two days ago, Darcy had been stomping around the tower complaining loudly about how she wished she had some surefire way to give everyone at her reunion a hefty slice of humble pie.

Pietro, Darcy’s insanely hot _mutant superhero_ boyfriend, just stared at her and asked why she didn’t just bring some Avengers with her.

Of _course_ Bucky-bear said he would come along, and also for her to just point discreetly to any guy who’d ever mocked her or made her cry. Bucky assured her with that 1930s smirk that he’d fix them up good.

Steve, aka Captain Babe-merica aka Wrong-Size aka Heart-Eyes, aka the Star-Spangled Man With A Tan, aka Ol’ Man Rogers, etc. made that pained, pinched expression that he usually did whenever Bucky was making light of committing violent acts.

_Of course_ , that meant that Steve would be coming too, if only to keep an eye on his ball-and-chain.

Darcy kissed them both on the cheek, leaving perfect prints behind in shocking red.

Steve’s cheeks were all pink, and Bucky was snickering.

. .

 

ONE DAY BEFORE

 

Darcy, Wanda, Pepper Potts, and _Clint Barton_ , of all people, had an impromptu fashion montage so Darcy could pick the perfect outfit and makeup.

Barton was full of actual helpful suggestions, like “Go for a bold brow, make them tremble with the magnitude of their unworthiness,” or, “ _Yaaasss_. You look like you could kill a man, then go straight to a super classy board meeting and start firing people without breaking a sweat.”

Pepper saw Wanda eyeing one of the racks of dresses and jackets with a little wistful sigh, so she nudged her and said to go crazy, her treat. Wanda’s eyes went huge, sparkly and manga-wide as she tentatively chose some pieces for herself.

Darcy and Wanda strutted around in insanely high, insanely expensive heels to the latest Lorde album.

Clint let them put lipstick and mascara on him, exaggeratedly batting his lashes and crossing his legs when they finished.

In the end, both Wanda and Darcy ended up with entirely new wardrobes and a whole slew of cosmetics so high-end, Darcy almost _weeps_ to touch them.

Pepper told them there was no need to thank her, but she looked surprised and touched when they’d swarm her into a hug.

When they’d gone back down to the common area, Pietro couldn’t decide whether he wanted to blatantly drool over Darcy or frown because his sister looked too attractive, and Clint purposely left the makeup on, so when Natasha saw him, she actually did an honest-to-god _spit-take_.

. .

“Why you look so sad, my darling?”

Pietro always talks like that. It’s endearingly old-fashioned. _Shut up_.

Darcy made her best Tina Belcher-groan and pouted. “Don’t wanna go to the stupid reunion.”

“But, you have reinforcements, and you are so _beautiful_. You still are not feeling happy for this?”

Darcy sighed. She didn’t know how to explain that she was still, deep down, the _tiniest_ bit afraid that even _with_ all the coolness she’d acquired, her old classmates would still call her _freak_ and _four-eyes_ and _the atomic Jew_. Yeah, she’s not making that one up, sadly.

“These people . . . they make you feel sad?” Pietro had asked, frowning a little. “Did they hurt you, Dasha? I will _crush_ them—”

“— _easy_ there, killer, nobody’s crushing anybody. _Physically_ , anyhow,” she’d muttered under her breath.

“ _Tell_ me how I help you,” Pietro said, radiating sincerity as though he’d been taking lessons in looking earnest from Steve. “I would like you not to be so sad, my little treasure.”

Darcy is almost grossed out by how severe her urge to swoon is whenever Pietro gets all romantic and mushy. _Almost_.

He’d reached out to fiddle with the little Star of David on its chain around her neck, and she’d felt shivery and good.

“Would it cheer you up if I run over to cheesecake place you like?” he asked, bring her fingertips to his lips and kissing them noisily.

“ _No_ ,” she stopped to think about it, then said quickly, “ _Yeah_.”

Pietro had leaned in for a kiss that got Darcy thinking _screw_ the damn cheesecake, but then he was gone, open door clattering against the wall.

Darcy had sighed and settled deeper into the sofa, tried not to smile and then, realizing that no one was there to see how dopey she looked, she beamed so hard her face hurt.

. .

 

_Okay_ , so now that everyone is up to speed on how the Avengers ended up crashing Darcy’s high school reunion, it’s important that you hear about _how_ the actual crashing went down.

Because there was _literal crashing_. Through a _cinderblock wall_.

 

Earlier in the afternoon, Darcy had poured herself into a curve-hugging indigo tie-dyed silk dress and strapped on a pair of black leather booties with five-inches of spike heel for the crushing of her nemeses. She expertly applied lipstick in Russian Red (a gift from Natasha) and enlisted Barton’s help in weaving her heavy curtain of hair into a kick-ass messy Dutch braid.

Pietro even dressed up all snazzy, ditching his tracksuit and slicking his hair back with pomade.

They took one of Tony Stark’s many expensive cars, held hands, and Darcy prayed that her ridiculous friends would come through.

She hadn’t needed to go to the trouble.

.

When Darcy had signed in at the little table in the hall outside the big banquet room, the girl with the name-tags had done a very overt double-take.

“ _Darcy Lewis_?” she’d gasped, glossy mouth falling open.

Well, _that_ was good for a first reaction, Darcy smirked.

“Yeah, that’s _me_ ,” Darcy had singsonged, tossing her long braid over one shoulder. “ _And_ my plus-one,” she’d gestured with wavy-hands at Pietro, who made the perfect arm-candy date.

“You— _wow_ , I guess what they say about late bloomers and all,” the girl at the check-in table said with wide eyes.

“Yeah, _and_ I’ve seen Captain America in the _nude_ ,” Darcy smirked over her shoulder at the girl as she looped her arm through Pietro’s and they walked towards the main doors. The girl had actually made a faint, strangled noise.

(To clarify, Darcy had accidentally sauntered into Bucky and Steve's apartment unannounced, and gotten an eyeful of the chiseled asscheeks of freedom. Whatever, it still counts.)

Uh, yeah. It was gonna be a good night.

. .

There were a ton of people who came up to her, expressing utter shock and wonderment at the compete 180 Darcy had done since high school.

 A few guys who formerly called her names and made her cry about her larger-than-average chest actually had the nerve to hit on her.

Pietro had had the grace to keep his cool, choosing to retaliate by sprinting so fast past them when they’d gone away to talk to other people, that they spilled their drinks, or their belts mysteriously came unbuckled. One of the poor bastards had picked the _wrong_ day to go commando.

Darcy had a drink or two, felt herself feeling looser and happier.

It wasn’t so bad, right? She had a hot date, she looked fierce as hell; what could go wrong?

Until, of course, everything went wrong.

 

Some loser D-list villain chose to reveal themselves _just_ when the DJ was _finally_ starting to play some of Darcy’s requests.

The loser villain was some guy from the baseball team who’d lost his shot at playing college ball thanks to his teammates, who forced him to take the rap for a prank gone wrong.

(Darcy didn’t even _remember_ the prank; it was _totally_ unfair that she be caught in the crossfire.)

Luckily, before the guy (who was calling himself something _so stupid_ that Darcy promptly forgot it, like, a second after he said it) was able to unleash whatever lame weapon he had hidden behind the stage, several things happened:

The first thing was Pietro grabbing Darcy around the waist and sprinting her out of the way as the second thing (Tony Stark in the Iron Man suit zooming through the giant hole in the wall, made by mjölnir) almost killed her.

The third thing was kind of funny, because it was a collective gasp from everyone in attendance as the dust cleared to reveal Captain America, Falcon, Iron Man, Thor, and Black Widow, each in various cool power stances.

(Bucky was lurking up in the rafters, sniper rifle at the ready. Hawkeye was monkeying his way across the cables above the stage, trying to figure out how to get down and get a look at the D-Lister’s weapon.)

“Oh, _shit_ ,” cursed the villain-guy, visibly awed.

Darcy guessed that he hadn’t betted on the Avengers giving a rat’s ass about some psycho trying to blow up a high school reunion.

“Hands in the air,” Steve demanded of the loser. He was using his _commanding leadership hero_ voice, and Darcy wished she could shoot off a quick text to Bucky asking if the voice got him hot and bothered. “Everyone who is a civilian here, we would ask you to _please_ , stay where you are and _stay calm_.” Steve addressed the reunion-goers, who all had expressions that if Darcy had to name she’d call ‘star-struck with a healthy dose of mortal fear.’

The D-List guy put his hands slowly in the air, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

. . . Then, he’d said “D’you—could I get your guys’ autographs?”

Steve—sorry, _Captain America_ —stared flatly at the guy, while Falcon and Widow exchanged ‘ _is he for real_?’ faces.

Then, at the same time as Hawkeye was yelling “ _Got it!_ ” from somewhere behind the stage, Bucky fired a single, clean shot that landed a tranquilizer dart into the exposed flesh of the D-Lister’s neck, and down the D-Lister went.

 

 

Things pretty much turned into one of those dance parties at the end of every 80s movie ever, with bad arm-heavy dance moves and synth-pads and orchestra-hits galore.

Bucky had emerged from wherever he’d been hiding, hair pulled back in a loose man-bun and dressed in probably the trendiest outfit in the whole building.

Steve stood awkwardly as many, _many_ women attempted to throw themselves at him, some even _bodily throwing themselves at him_. Finally, Bucky took pity on him and led him away by the arm with a wink and a smile.

Stark, because he was Stark, elbowed the (admittedly lame) DJ out of his own booth, and started putting on completely ridiculous songs. Like the song from _The Breakfast Club_ , for real. Tony Stark is really _that_ guy.

Clint and Wanda (who somehow appeared after all the hubbub) danced obnoxiously, and Darcy pumped one fist in the air for all the Aly Sheedys and Judd Nelsons.

. .

 

Okay, so, where did you come in? Right, the arm-wrestling match.

Darcy is cheering for Bucky-bear, who is probably going to win (and isn’t _that_ some kind of irony, that Stark is about to be defeated by his own invention?) and Steve is doing that nervous-hover thing that he pretends like he doesn’t do, but totally does.

Thor is engaged in a shot-drinking contest with a bunch of former jocks that is sure to end in a _lot_ of vomit for the non-Asgardians.

Pietro steals a sip of Darcy’s margarita, then kisses her long and hot while _Backstreet’s Back_ starts up, much to everyone’s delight.

 

So, basically, Darcy kind of wins the whole shebang, if high school reunions are a thing that can be won. (They are.)

She’s seriously, genuinely touched to have such awesome, caring, sexy friends who would show up and kind of hijack the entire party.

In the backseat on the way home, Darcy leans into Pietro’s shoulder and sighs, drunken and contented.

Bucky texts her a picture of literally fifty women’s phone numbers scribbled on napkins or post-its, even one on the wrapper from a pad.

Um, okay.

Bucky sends two texts following said photo.

 

_ > these are all from your former classmates for stevie >:( _

_> I think they got the idea when i laid one on him on the dance floor ;)_

 

Darcy snorts. Also in her many, many unread messages is a copy of the video Sam took of Tony’s arm wrestling shame. She’ll upload it to YouTube, and possibly try to make a Vine out of it tomorrow.

For now, she’s happy to doze off with her face mashed against Pietro’s shoulder, replaying again and again the gratifying facial expressions she’d been the cause of tonight.

 

Darcy Lewis can’t lose, not even if she tried.

What is she going to do now that she’s won? She’s going to _Disneyland_ , that’s what.

 

(No, really; she’s somehow hoodwinked Bucky and Steve into taking her, Wanda, and Pietro to Disneyworld in two weeks.)

 

(Yeah, she knows it’s going to be a disaster. Duh. That's what smartphones were invented for.)

 

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> Stay tuned for the Disneyworld debacle. . .
> 
> ^_~


End file.
